


Broken Halos

by GhostGaze



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Addiction, Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-08-14 13:54:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16493855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostGaze/pseuds/GhostGaze
Summary: The Battle of Hogwarts left all sorts of damage in it's wake. Both seen and unseen. Hermione has not been coping well at all and just needs a push in the right direction to get her back on the path to greatness. Who better to do the pushing than our favorite snarky professor who understands depression better than most?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [meditationsinemergencies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meditationsinemergencies/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the tags for trigger warnings. Angst that turns into fluff.

**Seen my share of Broken Halo's**  
**Folded wings that used to fly**  
**They've all gone wherever they go**  
**Broken Halo's that used to shine**

It had been 7 years since Hermione last walked these hallowed halls that were Hogwarts. Though in truth they were now unrecognizable due to the damage that had been done to the ancient castle during the battle of Hogwarts, where so many had lost their lives. The castle had of course been rebuilt but not in the same manner and which it was originally erected. Both familiar and unfamiliar portraits littered the walls along with tapestries decorating the way as she strode towards the headmistress's office.

Minerva had requested that Hermione returned while Madam Pince was on Sabbatical. The vivacious Gryffindor was the only person she would entrust her precious library to while she was away. Everyone had assumed that Hermione would follow in Ron and Harry's footsteps and take a job at the ministry perhaps as an Auror, or in one of the other departments fighting for muggles or magical creatures as she had always so passionately done. The war had done more damage to her than even she was willing to it admit.

She hadn't had a peaceful night's rest since she was 16 years old and often relied on Dreamless sleep, a highly addictive potion that wasn't suggested to be used more than 3 days in a row; and only while a person was in times of grief much like drug muggle drug xanax. Though even the healers seemed to be more lax in prescribing it these days than they used to be. So she tried not to see it as what it really was an Addiction.

She often found herself unable to sleep without the potion, and had spent many a sleepless night researching. While she was at University getting a dual master's degree in both potions and charms she had created a scar reduction cream that had thankfully erased the vicious word that had been carved into her arm by Bellatrix Lestrange and was quite the wealthy witch before she was even halfway through school.

She had taken her time going through school and even obtained an associate’s degree in library science, another thing that assisted in qualifying her for the position she was being asked to fill. As successful she had been in school and in the one cream she had produced Hermione Granger was for lack of a better word, a mess.

The scar reduction cream only work for the scars that were present on the skin not the ones that were left on the mind. She had once been full of life, her smile could light up any room. But that smile had been gone for a long time now. It had left her when the shell shock of everything she had gone through and done had finally worn off and she had found herself halfway through her potions mastery, and all alone seeing as how life has seemingly become to busy for Ron and Harry to write her back.

Severus watched as she walked by him, taking in the slow steps and haunted appearance. Her molten amber eyes that had once shined so bright as they burned held no light in them. Even her curls that had once bushed off her head in disarray now hung down her back in loose ringlets as if they too had lost their will to live. From his discussion with Minerva earlier that morning it had been quite a task convincing Miss. Granger to return to Hogwarts. That she with all her talent had spent the last six months in which she had been put of school shut up inside a hovel of an apartment, despite being able to afford something more luxurious and accommodating for the research everyone has assumed she would pursue.

It was a crime she hadn’t been sorted into Slytherin due to her blood status. Her cunning and ambition would have been truly been allowed to flourish. Severus could see she was undernourished, and while her clothing was clearly new and seemed clean the wrinkles that encompassed the fabric would astonish those who knew her back in her school days where hers clothes always remained well kept and wrinkle free.

He could practically see her tattered wings dragging behind her on the floor and her broken halo resting askew atop her head. He felt a kinship to her because he too had been lost after the war after spending so many years believing he was in love with Lily Evans, and trying to protect her son with everything in him. He was finally learning how to live a life with no masters. She may not have given up as much flesh and blood as he had but she had given up her childhood.

Severus Snape was not a friendly man however looking at this slip of a girl obviously so broken and in need of guidance, He wanted to be. Not just for him, or Minerva who had requested that he attempt to reach out to the girl but for her as well.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Hermione sat in the Headmistresses office and listened to the monotonous drone of the older witches voice. It was hard to concentrate and she couldn't quite take in the words she was hearing. She could lie and say she didn't know what had possessed her to take this job however, she knew that this was probably her only hope to get herself out of the funk she had allowed herself to become immersed in.   
  
She was practically unemployable with her addiction the dreamless sleep potion taking out most of her days and nights. She would either take it and sleep all throughout the night and the next day or she would skip it and stay up for the next day-and-night unable to regulate her sleep cycle without it. The withdrawals from it was horrible, she would shake and sweat while her thoughts would just race, It was a hell of a way to live.    
  
Wizards had nothing to speak of when it came to mental health and she definitely couldn't see a muggle psychiatrist, she would be committed. Sometimes if she stayed up long enough, like a week or more, she would manage to fall into an unfitfull sleep that often left her feeling less rested than she had before. She would begin hallucinating and seeing things that weren't there like her parents that were and Australia still without a single memory of her and they would remain that way.   
  
She snapped out of her daze for a moment when Minerva looked at her and asked her quizzically, “Are you hearing a single word on saying? “ This jolted Hermione from her thoughts and she blushed in mortification looking down at her shoes, unable to meet the witches eyes.” I'm sorry professor I got lost in my thoughts could you please repeat what you just said?”   
  
Minerva once again repeated herself telling her money what her duties would be and where she would sleep giving the girl a concerned look before leading her from the headmaster's office and down to the dungeon where her quarters would be. Professor Snape was standing outside his door as they passed, but her mind he could barely give him a cursory glance as she walked by him. She really couldn't believe she was allowing anyone to see her the way she looked now. This third of the golden trio had lost their shine.   
  
The quarters she had been given were divine though she could hardly appreciate the luxury that it was. Thankfully the bold colors of Gryffindor had been left out of the decorative scheme and here she didn't think she could bear to see the colors of a house she had been and that were supposed to stand for bravery when she hadn't been brave in a long time. Of course it was adorned in Slytherin colors perhaps because it was in the dungeon, and maybe that's just how all the rooms were decorated there.   
  
When she was left alone to situate herself in the room she mourned the loss of her kneazle   
Crookshanks, At least when she had him she didn't feel so lonely, so lost, so insignificant. The cat had passed away from old age during her second year at university, and she hadn’t been able to make herself buy a new pet, despite the fact it would help her immensely.   
  
She flopped down on the Downy comforter stretched across the king size bed and closed her eyes feeling entirely overwhelmed and still groggy from last nights dreamless sleep potion. She drifted in and out of sleep that was riddled with nightmares until she was jerked out of it by a sharp rap on her door.   
  
She slid from the bed, slightly disoriented and made her way out of the bedroom and into the living area she hadn’t taken much notice of beforehand. A black leather sectional couch wrapped it’s way around a coffee table placed on a forest green rug in front of the roaring fireplace. There were no paintings on the walls for they were filled floor to ceiling with empty bookshelves awaiting her collection.   
  
She paused to consider whether or not she had the energy to unpack all of her books when another rap came, much more impatient than the last. It jolted her from her trance and she wandered over and cracked the door open to see who could possibly be there.   
  
“Professor Snape?” she asked unable to keep the shock from her voice. He didn’t pause however and pushed her door open letting himself into her sitting area “Miss. Granger you are 26 years old, and now a colleague. It is permissible for you to address me by my given name when not in front of students, don’t you think?”

She gulped before forcing a smile to her lips, “I suppose it is Severus, as long as you will call me Hermione as well?” He dipped his head in acquiescence. “Hermione…” He tested the name across his lips testing it out. It wasn't often he found himself in the situation where he referred to a former student by their given name.  It seemed odd even though he had just given her leave to do the same. “Not to be rude Sir, Severus, but why are you here?”

He snorted in what she assumed was laughter which shocked her having never heard anything near a laugh fall from the man’s lips. “Well Hermione, I intended to have this discussion with you at dinner but since you have missed it i thought I might stop by.” He ignored the way her mouth had fallen open and resisted the urge to tell her to shut it before she caught flies. He was here to try and help the girl not run her off. “You will have a lot of free time no doubt leading up to the return of the students in a month and even once they return considering you are far overqualified for the position. I am about to start the brewing trial and error process on a new potion I’ve been working on. I have several ways and formulas I’ve researched. I just have to see which if any will work the way I hope they will.”

She was dumbfounded. Snape hated her, or so she had thought. She for sure would never had guessed he would willingly spend time in her presence. She nodded in shock, and he gave her a stiff nod in return. “I will see you in the labs directly after breakfast. Goodnight Miss. Granger, Hermione. With that he was gone as quickly as he had appeared. She sank down on the sofa and for the first time in a long time felt a flutter of excitement in her chest.    
  



	3. Chapter 3

Hermione wandered her way down the hall to the kitchens where after she made several promises she was not making and would not be making any attempts in the future to free them the House Elves welcomed her with open arms.

She had often haunted the kitchens at Uni, and the elves and her had grown quite attached to each other by the time she graduated. They were easy to be around. After making sure she was taken care of they would go back to her work and allow her to sit in peace. The warm kitchen was soothing as she ate lightly a salad she had asked for and sipped gently on her hot chocolate.

Her free hand played with and rolled a vial of Dreamless Sleep across the counter. She didn’t want to take it, but the urge was overwhelming. Her mind whispered to her that it was harmless, that the healers that called it  addictive were wrong. I mean she didn’t even have an addictive personality so, there was no possible way she was actually addicted to the potion. She actually needed it, so why shouldn’t she use it? It was almost a disservice to a fellow potioneer like herself not to use what he had created to help people. Plus there was no way she could focus well enough to work with the world renowned Severus Snape on no sleep, right? 

She quickly uncorked the potion and downed it before she could change her mind and tried to ignore the shame she felt at succumbing to it once again. But she sighed as she felt it almost instantaneously begin to tingle through her system as it took effect. She stumbled to her feet, and whispered a thank you to the elves as she floated dreamily from the room. A smile wide across her face with a happiness she only felt after she swallowed the brew.

Her mind had quieted its constant beration of everything she did and had done. This is why she couldn’t walk away from the potion. This feeling of serenity she had before she went to sleep. Winky had promised to wake her before breakfast so she wouldn’t be late, one less worry on her mind, she mused as she swirled on the tips of her toes towards her door to let herself in.

She stumbled to her bed,casting first a divesto and then a scourgify because the thought of taking a shower overwhelmed her, even in her drugged stupor, before she fell naked onto the bed.

Unbeknownst to her Severus had witnessed the whole ordeal. He had watched through the floo as she attempted to resist the call of the dreamless sleep, he walked behind her down the hall in the shadows as she had meandered down the hall listing first one way and then the other. After he made sure she made it back to her chambers, he returned to his own and poured himself a stiff drink.

The fire whiskey burned his throat as it went down, but he didn’t care. All he could think about was how she had sat there obviously arguing with herself internally before managing to rationalize her need to the the potion somehow in her mind. He knew that feeling all to well. He’d tried to drown his pain in anything and everything he could think of. Both magical and muggle, he had been mostly sober the last two years. He no longer felt the need to drink, smoke, or dose himself into oblivion. He too had struggled with the wonderfully wicked ecstasy that the dreamless sleep potion provided. He could also see clearly why she was struggling, the dose she had taken was three times the size of what a witch her size would normally take. Of course once you used it for so long it would become less and less effective until you had to up the dose. Nightmares would start leaking through, and the potion would hold you paralyzed where you couldn’t even wake yourself from it.

She needed help and she needed it fast.


	4. Chapter 4

Sometime during the night Hermione woke with a start from a nightmare that had shaken her to her very core, she blindly reached into her drawer beside her bed and pulled out two more vials of dreamless sleep with tears streaming down her face. Gods knew she couldn’t take much more of this. She shot down both bottles in rapid succession then curled into herself on the bed where she sniffled with tears until the potion knocked her out cold.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Severus stalked into his lab with anger radiating from him. It was now 9 AM and Hermione had yet to be seen. He had knocked on her door for 20 minutes to no avail. A pop sounded behind him and he whirled with his wand extended and a curse on his lips. The movement ended however when he saw one of the kitchen elves in front of him wringing her apron.

 

“What?” He snapped far more harshly than he had intended at the already uncomfortable elf. “Misses be asking Winky to wakes her so she may comes to Master’s chambers to assist him with the brewing of the potions...and Winky tries and tries but Misses doesn’t move.” Her ears were flat against her head as she spoke avoiding Severus’ eyes and his breath caught in his throat.

 

“Winky you must take me to the Misses immediately, now!” He grabbed the elves hand and with a pop they were next to Hermione’s bed. Tears still stained her cheeks, and she still had two empty bottles in her hand. It looked like Death himself had visited her during the night. No color could be found in her cheeks, and he thought he was to late. As he stared at her still form he suddenly saw the barest of moment as she took the smallest of breaths.

 

In one quick motion he grabbed her and ran to her fireplace to floo to the infirmary. He and Poppy worked tirelessly for for almost two hours before they managed to get her breathing normally and some color to return to her cheeks.

 

Poppy placed her hand tenderly on Hermione’s forehead for a moment before looking up at Severus and asking him quietly,”Do you think she did it on purpose? Do you...Do you think she was trying to…” Severus turned away cutting her off abruptly. “I don’t know Poppy. I’m afraid the only person that can answer that question is currently unconscious.” 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

2 Weeks Later

 

Hermione had been back in her own chambers for 7 nights now. After she had assured Poppy and Severus that suicide had not been her intention what-so-ever they had all sat down and had a serious discussion about her addiction. At first she had tried to stop cold turkey which had resulted in detox symptoms. She made it four days before giving in to Poppy’s pleas that she allow her and Severus to wean her off the potion. It was still hard, but at least she was now able to function. Severus had been her rock, every evening he retired to her chambers with her, gave her a small dose of dreamless sleep, and sat in a chair next to her bed until she was able to drift into a restless sleep each night. He would then floo from her bedroom to his and leave the connection open should she need him at some point during the night, which she often had. Winky had also moved into her quarters after being quite startled to find her when she had accidentally overdosed. She seemed to blame herself no matter how many times Hermione had assured her it wasn’t her fault. 

 

She had her on little bed at the foot of Hermione’s, and honestly it was doing both of them a lot of good. Hermione needed to be taken care of, and Winky had needed someone to care for since she had lost the Crouch’s. The little elf had fought with addiction herself after that, but she was now sober and doing better than ever.

 

Hermione often followed her to the kitchens when she went to work and followed her about. The elves has all come to adore her, now that they were certain she wasn't trying to sneak them clothes, and she needn't need or worry for anything. The last two weeks had already done wonders for her. 

 

She was looking less like a walking skeleton, far healthier in appearance than she had been since she left university. But the elves weren't just healing her outside, but inside as well. Though it helped that Poppy had prescribed her a variation of the pepper up potion that worked much like muggle antidepressants and regular small doses of calming drought that assisted in bringing her anxiety to a manageable level.

 

By the time she reached the month mark she was completely off dreamless sleep, and was only taking what Poppy had given her. It was her 7th day of complete sobriety from the dreamless sleep, and she was following her normal routine of being escorted to bed by Severus. The two had grown quite close in the past month.

 

There were nights that when her shout of fear had brought Severus hurtling through the floo to her side, he would sit next to her bed and calmly talk to her and with her about both scholarly and trivial things. The potions they had been working on and what they thought they could do to make it effective, their childhoods, hopes, dreams, and nightmares.

 

She knew the two had been growing closer, and she hadn't been able to help the tender feelings she was developing for the normally dour man. She however had believed the chemistry and attraction she had felt between them was one sided until they reached her door and he paused before opening it for her like he normally did. She looked up at him quizzically and he brought a gentle hand to her cheek.

 

She nuzzled into his touch without any thought, smiling softly at his dark eyes boring into her own.

 

With a deliberate slowness he lowered his head towards hers, stopping his lips just short of her own. She nodded yes to his unasked question, and his lips moulded themself to hers. The hand that had been previously on her cheek had worked its way into her thick tresses, as his free hand rested on her lower back in a tender embrace.

 

He pulled away, tucking a strand if hair behind her ear as he did so. “I would like to take you out tomorrow night.” 

 

He stated quietly, “I would like that very much.” She whispered in return, half afraid if she spoke in a normal voice whatever spell they were under would end and he would take it all back.

 

His face relaxed and his lips tilted up in a small smile. “Very well, I'll pick you up at 6 PM, just wear something comfortable.” 

 

Then he opened the door, and escorted her to bed as he did every evening. Though much to her embarrassment he had to wait longer than normal for her to drift off to sleep due to her excitement. 

 

Where was he taking her?

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

Hermione looked around her with a smile so big upon her face it could have lit even the darkest room.

 

She whirled around in a circle giggling before accepting Severus’ offered hand. He pulled her slowly into his side, and placed a chaste kiss on her lips before speaking, “I take it you approve of the venue?” 

 

She squeezed his hand in encouragement and excitement, “Oh Severus, I love it! I can't believe you remembered!” Around the pair was a variety of flashing lights, children, games, and rides. One of Hermione's favorite things to do with her Mum and Dad had been to attend the local carnival every year before she returned to school. She had told Severus about this one of their many discussions and how much she missed it. 

 

The last time she had been was when she was 16. She loved everything about the carnival. The junk food, the handmade knick knacks people had worked so hard to create, the whole atmosphere just brought her back to a much simpler and happier time in her life.

 

She could practically feel her soul healing as she rushed from booth to booth dragging an amused Severus behind her. They stood in line at the Strong Man booth, where many men were attempting and failing to hit the disc hard enough to ring the bell at the top. She bounced on her heels in excitement until it was finally her turn.

 

She grabbed the hammer with gusto, and strategically placed herself in front of the little disc before bring the hammer down resulting in a satisfying ding as the ball flew all the way to the top to strike the bell.

 

She succeeded twice more before scurrying to select her prize, covertly watching as Severus approached the man and paid before taking his 3 turns at the bell. It went half way up with his first strike, and his next two barely fell short. He frowned before digging more muggle money from his pockets and trying again.

 

His 6th and final strike finally made it to the top, although barely and gave a soft ting of success. He smiled broadly, satisfied he had succeeded and Hermione couldn't help but admire the view. 

 

He looked quite dashing in his black outfit. Tight black pants tucked into a pair of fine dragon hide boots hugged his derriere in a way that made Hermione feel weak in the knees. Not to mention the fitted black tee that formed perfectly to his sculpted chest that was only further accentuated by the black leather jacket he wore over it.

 

She had forgotten at this point she was supposed to be selecting a prize, and smiled languidly up at him as he approached. Stretching up on her tip toes, she wrapped her hands around his neck, toying with his hair as she slowly made love to his mouth.

 

A throat cleared and she quickly stepped back flushing and pointed to the prize she had decided on. She glanced at him through the corner of her eye, and he gave her a sexy smile before making a selection of his own.

 

He held out a little rose made from fabric and wire that he had selected for her, and she grinned maniacally before grabbing the five foot long lion she had one and pushing it into his hands, taking her rose as she did so.

 

“Well, well Ms. Granger. It appears my boyfriend is better at the strong man game than I am.” He smirked at her as he clutched the huge animal that they had already spotted several women toting around that night.

 

She reached up and pinched his cheek smartly before stealing another kiss. “I have to keep my lady in her finery Severus.” She was rewarded with his warm rich laugh as he threw the lion across one shoulder, so he could drape his now free arm across her own.

 

This was the Hermione that Severus remembered. Full of fire and life. He had been watching as her wings healed and her halo slowly regained it's shine. She was so beautiful he could hardly stand it. 

 

“ I hope you don't think I'm being to forward, but I rather think I'm ready to return home Severus. I've been dying to get you to myself ever since I saw you outside my door.” The flames of desire were evident in her eyes as he quickly pulled her into a secluded nook, and soundlessly apparated them back to the gates outside of Hogwarts. 

 

He shrunk the lion she had won him and placed it in his pocket before throwing her over his shoulder in a very caveman-esque move and let his long legs carry them across the further than normal distance to the castle.

 

“Your dungeon or mine?” he whispered seductively as he let her slide down his chest until her feet found the ground once more. She moaned into his mouth as they shared a passionate kiss. “Yours please.” managed to escape her mouth in between frenzied kisses.

  
  


She didn't want their first time to be in the place where he had practically nursed her back to health. They made it to his door, though Hermione couldn't quite remember how they managed to make it there, and he pinned her in between himself and the door before leaning down and nipping her neck sharply enough to make tingles of pleasure assault her senses though not hard enough to leave a mark.

 

Her back arched as her core ached for contact, and Severus did not disappoint as he lifted her once again, her legs wrapping around his waist without instruction as he flung the door open.

  
  


She writhed against him as her synapses tingled with desire.  Thankfully he cast a spell that sent her clothes from her body, because she didn't think she could have stood not having his skin pressed fully to hers for one moment longer.

  
  


A purr of satisfaction escaped from her mouth when their bodies joined as one, her teeth worried her lower lip as her nails dug into his back. The way he ground their hips together after each thrust caused her breath to quicken, and her body to tighten as pleasure overwhelmed her.

 

Gods it felt good to be alive.   
  



	6. Epilogue

6 Years Later 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

**_Angels come down from the heavens_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Just to help us on our way_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Come to teach us, then they leave us_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_And they find some other soul to save_

 

She was radiant, reminiscent of Mother Earth herself as she sat in a cocoon of white bathed in sunshine. Severus was mesmerized. It was hard to believe she was the same girl that had stumbled into Hogwarts, hooked on dreamless sleep, and lacking a true will to live.

 

The sparkle had returned to those honey eyes, the bounce back to her curls. Their relationship had been rocky at first, they hadn't exactly chosen the best time to begin one with Hermione just beginning to attempt to truly live again.

 

But after 4 years together he had finally convinced her to marry him, and a year after that they had decided it was time to expand their family.

 

He'd never felt so strongly for anyone in the world as he did here in this moment for Hermione and their newborn daughter cradled in her arms. 

 

He had been resistant at first, afraid to be something that he'd never truly had. His own father an abusive drunk, had not set the best example.

 

Emilie Grace Granger-Snape was a tiny thing, much like her mother, with black curls on her petite head, and much to Severus’ relief she also had her nose. It didn't matter how many times Hermione had tried to convince him she found his, ‘huge honker’ as he liked to call it, sexy. 

 

He was unmoved and didn't wish it upon any child, not even his own. Emilie was a beautiful blend of the two for sure. 

 

As he stared at the pair, the longing to be closer over ruled his desire to just take in the beautiful portrait they made and he joined them on the bed. 

 

Hermione smiled softly at him, before stealing a sweet kiss. He wrapped his arm around them, offering baby Emilie his pinky which she grasped in her tiny hand.

 

Hermione breathed his scent in deeply, and tried to blink away the tears that were forming in her eyes. “If I never said it before Severus, thank you for helping save me.” 

 

He kissed her once more, not another word needing to be spoken between them as they basked in their love.


End file.
